Sgt. Cannon (Tommy Cannon) and PC Ball (Bobby Ball) run the police station in the quiet town of Little Botham. When the station is threatened with closure due to a lack of crime, they decide to invent some crimes to justify their existence. When they try to steal a painting from a local rich businessman (Roy Kinnear), they accidently stumble across a gang of real art thieves who have just stolen £1 million worth of paintings. It is up to the two bungling cops to stop them escaping with their haul.
| Actor | Role |
|---|---|
 Bobby BallP.C. Bobby Ball | P.C. Bobby Ball |
 Tommy CannonSergeant Tommy Cannon | Sergeant Tommy Cannon |
 Suzanne DanielleKim | Kim |
 Roy KinnearMr. Lloyd | Mr. Lloyd |
 Eric SykesChief Constable | Chief Constable |
 Jack DouglasChief Superintendent | Chief Superintendent |
 Jon PertweeCoastguard | Coastguard |
 Edward JuddHilling | Hilling |
 Arthur EnglishMan on Motorbike | Man on Motorbike |
| EEric FrancisFred the Postman | Fred the Postman |
| BBilly BurdenHerdsman | Herdsman |
| NNigel LambertEstate Agent | Estate Agent |
| KKen BarkerChief Superintendent's Driver | Chief Superintendent's Driver |
| RRichard BorthwickCustoms Officer | Customs Officer |
 John D. CollinsCustoms Officer | Customs Officer |
 Su DouglasHilling's Secretary | Hilling's Secretary |
| LLaurence HarringtonPolice Radio Operator | Police Radio Operator |
| RRichard HunterHigh Street Policeman | High Street Policeman |
| PPeter RutherfordHeavy Set Man | Heavy Set Man |
| RRosemary WilliamsWPC Radio Operator | WPC Radio Operator |
| TTommy WrightFisherman | Fisherman |