The journalists at the Onion News Network will do anything to stay at the top of their game. And if they can't find a great story, they'll create one.
| Actor | Role |
|---|---|
 Jeffrey TamborDavid Bryant | David Bryant |
 Christopher MastersonSam West | Sam West |
 Aja Naomi KingJillian | Jillian |
 William SadlerEd Musgrove | Ed Musgrove |
 Laila RobinsHelena Zweibel | Helena Zweibel |
 Cheyenne JacksonCameron Grey | Cameron Grey |
| MMabel L'EcuyerCourtney Carter | Courtney Carter |
 Jolly AbrahamAbigail | Abigail |
 Jodi Applegate KayDaytime News Anchor (as Jodi Applegate-Kay) | Daytime News Anchor (as Jodi Applegate-Kay) |
 Charles TechmanKip O'Rourke | Kip O'Rourke |
 Jonathan MarballiTerrorist | Terrorist |
 Harriett D. FoyVivian | Vivian |
 Jack GilpinArchibald Zweibel | Archibald Zweibel |
 James CaulfieldFather Zweibel | Father Zweibel |
 Tanner FloodKid | Kid |
| DDarrie LawrenceOld Lady | Old Lady |
 Therese PlaehnProducer | Producer |
| MMichael CroweKidnapper (uncredited) | Kidnapper (uncredited) |