In this Canadian Candide update, orphan Gordie (Jamie Shannon) lives with his hippie aunts at a quiet Porridge Glenn farm. When his beagle Speedoh is lost, a call from a psychic suggests a search in Toronto, where hayseed meets hooker wannabe Heidi (Sarain Boylan). She introduces him to two past-porn performers (Shelly Mars, Scott Thompson), the former stars of "Who's Afraid of Vagina Woolf?" Hick Gordie seems destined for street hustling and boogie nights after encountering a gay band that raises AIDS-research money by selling Gordie off to a sleazeball pimp (Alex Karzis). At this juncture, however, Heidi hatches a plan to reunite Gordie and Speedoh.
| Actor | Role |
|---|---|
 Jamie ShannonGordie | Gordie |
 Deborah TheakerJudy | Judy |
| SStuart BaileyAndy Warhol | Andy Warhol |
| CChristine BelliniMarge | Marge |
 Paul BelliniGordie's Dad | Gordie's Dad |
 Sarain BoylanHeidi | Heidi |
| BBruce DellerMr. Black Laquer | Mr. Black Laquer |
| MMarc HickoxEmile | Emile |
 Elva Mai HooverAuntie Charity | Auntie Charity |
 Alex KarzisSlim | Slim |
 Bruce LaBruceMr. Chartreuse | Mr. Chartreuse |
 Dan LettLiam Burbage | Liam Burbage |
 Daniel MacIvorMr. Taupe | Mr. Taupe |
 Shelly MarsRita | Rita |
| SSteve McKaySpeedo (voice) | Speedo (voice) |
 Mark McKinneyAlien Doctor | Alien Doctor |
| TTrout McNallyBaby | Baby |
 Dan RedicanThe Saddest Man in the World | The Saddest Man in the World |
| JJeff RogersTrevor | Trevor |
 Scott ThompsonJ.D. Wood | J.D. Wood |
 Maria VacratsisAuntie Prudence | Auntie Prudence |