A professional model, Sam Crain, is asked by her sister to smuggle a package from Europe to Portland Oregon, where she discovers that her sister is battling Chinese Shaolin Monks (not ninjas!). Fleeing the monks, Sam unwittingly involves Ed "Brainsmasher" Molloy, a nightclub bouncer.
| Actor | Role |
|---|---|
 Andrew Dice ClayEd Molloy | Ed Molloy |
 Teri HatcherSamantha Crain | Samantha Crain |
 Yuji OkumotoWu | Wu |
 Deborah Van ValkenburghCammy Crain | Cammy Crain |
 Brion JamesBrown | Brown |
 Tim ThomersonBlack | Black |
 Charles RocketJones | Jones |
 Nicholas GuestSmith | Smith |
| DDorothy DellsMiss Bellows | Miss Bellows |
 Wrick JonesLead Officer | Lead Officer |
| GGalen SchrickJim Romeo | Jim Romeo |
| SSteve TancoraBob Brisco | Bob Brisco |
 Peter KwongRed Monk | Red Monk |
| DDanny PerkinGuy in Line 2 | Guy in Line 2 |
| RRoss Huffman-KerrNight Manager | Night Manager |
| RRuss FastTed | Ted |
| BBillie WorleyPunk | Punk |
 Dee BooherBertha | Bertha |
 Liz SheridanMa Molloy | Ma Molloy |
 Lin ShayeMake up Artist | Make up Artist |
| SSonia SatraModel 1 | Model 1 |
 Ralph MonacoMolloy Dad | Molloy Dad |
| AAnahit MinasyanModel 2 | Model 2 |
 Nichole McAuleyVeronica (uncredited) | Veronica (uncredited) |
| DDon BarrisMan in line with date | Man in line with date |